Parties (Pretending Maryville has them)
Freshmen:
Coming to college, you think that you’re not going to change or do anything that you didn’t do in high-school.
Seniors:
Well look what happened…
First Day of Class
Freshmen:
Being a freshman, you are so excited to be a “college kid” and start your future at your home for the next four years. Meeting new people and trying to figure out what you’re actually be doing for the rest of your life is so exciting. The future is bright.
Seniors:
You hate being in class. You learn how to be the most successful slacker and exactly what excuses work for which professors. It’s the sad reality of college, right? You would rather be sleeping in and playing video games all day. Wait, can i make a living off that?
The Dining Hall
Freshmen:
What if the food is really gross and I die?
Seniors:
Whether living on campus or off campus, you tend to figure out what your favorite food they make is and when they don’t have it, It’s like a zombie apocalypse has taken over. You are just sad. What’s the point of school if there’s no food?
When you forget to do an assignment
Freshmen:
It’s the end of the world.
Seniors:
Oh well, I’ll do it later or just not even turn it in. Cs get degrees.
Relationships
Freshmen:
Me trying to flirt is dangerous to everyone around me.
Senior:
I’m not dating. I’m in love with this pizza.
What you dress like
Freshmen:
I always have to look my best. You never know who you will run into…
Seniors:
Sweat pants all day every day. It’s not the only thing that fits, but I have to save my cute clothes for the weekends. You won’t even recognize me in jeans or brushed hair.
Finals Week
Freshmen:
Spends two hours studying and gets a 100 percent.
Seniors:
I have how many test and how many projects? I’m taking in too much caffeine so I don’t know what is real and what my brain is imagining right now.
Syllabus Week
Freshmen:
Who is having a party? Let’s Go!
Seniors:
Why would you expect anything else from me, professor?
Picking a Major
Freshmen:
I am undeclared and don’t know what I want to do.
Senior:
I picked a major and still don’t know what it entails.
Bars
Freshmen:
Look! It says I’m a 22-year-old from Vermont… Do I look like a 22-year-old from Vermont?
Seniors:
I came here to get away from you people. Bouncers, HOW are you believing that fetus is 22?!
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