Blowing the twin-horns of Rezgoroth the Sunderer, the Dark Lord’s two generals roused the legions of their master into a frenzy. A flood of roars and war-chants rolled through the air of Hillspine Crater, accompanied by the ringing and scraping of blades, spears, arrows, hammers, and shields, all of which engraved with icons of destruction and fortification. Tattered flags depicting the snarling visage of the Golden Thanatrice holding a spear in its beak blew throughout. The eyes of creature on the flags seeming to move with the wind as if the fallen beast’s soul still watched over the armies of the warlord who bested it in combat. Soon, the high guard of the warlord began to sound, heralding the arrival of their dark master’s address to his bloodthirsty legions. The warlords’ generals kneeled as their master made his way up to accompany them atop the highest hilltop in the crater. The long mane of hair that grew from his head was a muted, orichalcum blonde. His face, showing the signs of weathering by the elements, looked about the army before him with stony grey eyes. The skin of his right cheek was torn off, revealing sharp canines and gnarled scar tissue. His massive figure was covered in crimson metal plate armor. Around his neck, the fangs of the Wyr-Lion hung from a necklace, glowing with a violet arcane fury. The dark metallic beak of the Krakenspawn of Oblivion Trench were affixed to his pauldrons. Adorned with the red feathered pelt of the Thanatrice, The Dark Lord Zardrath Ghorrothax looked upon his forces. With a raise of his right gauntlet, his army fell silent in moments.
“Today, we shall seize the lands before us from our foolish king Kregharon, the one who DARED to exile us.” Zardrath Exclaimed, met by a chorus of of his battle-ready armies’ bellows. Behind him, his draconic mount Sky-Ripper landed. Its scaled hide, as deep and dark blue as the ocean depths it hatched from, was further reinforced by armor plating on its tail, shoulders, neck, and forehead. Under its helm, its seven eyes, and one scar where its fourth left eye would be, burned with flaming ferocity. Zardrath made his way up to his throne-saddle on the back of Sky-Ripper, raising his glaive, Anthruvarr, above his head, pointing it toward the kingdom the landscape loomed over. A crystalline eye, its sclera as dark and pure as onyx and its slit pupil of glowing red was suspended between the blade and handle of Zadrath’s glaive. Sky-Ripper beat its wings, lifting its great form into the sky and forwards towards its master’s target.
“Follow me!” He commanded his forces “Follow your true king towards this conquest!” His armies did just that, pouring down towards the kingdom. Zardrath swung his glaive forward, roaring with bloodthirsty gusto.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With one Last stroke of his pen, President Zardrath Ghorrothax signed the bill to increase funding for grade schools.
Thank you, Mr. President.” Attorney general Lindra said as Zardrath Handed the bill to her. “We’re already off to a great start to your seventh administration.”
“Uh-huh.” Zardrath said nonplused, rubbing his temples with his same old gauntlets, while still wearing the same old et of armor. “Thank you, Lindra.”
“Don’t get too excited there,” she said sarcastically, “You’ve got a press conference tomorrow!”
“Oh, don’t remind me.”
“Hey, I’m not exactly excited either,” She responded, “The wife’s making meatloaf for my oldest’s birthday tommorrow.”
“Well, tell them happy birthday for me, alright?” Zardrath replied, still tired but happy for his attorney general and friend.
“I think he’d like to hear president wished him happy birthday.” Lindra smiled as she walked out of his office. “Well, I will get out your hair then, I too am drowning in paperwork.” She continued, sharing a chuckle with Zardrath. “You have a good day.”
“You as well, ma’am.” Zardrath waved gently before Lindra closed the doors behind her.
“I think he’d like to hear president wished him happy birthday.” Lindra smiled as she walked out of his office. “Well, I will get out your hair then, I too am drowning in paperwork.” She continued, sharing a chuckle with Zardrath. “You have a good day.”
“You as well, ma’am.” Zardrath waved gently before Lindra closed the doors behind her.
“President.” He exhaled wistfully as he held his head up on his desk. “Still can’t get used to that.” He took a moment to look around his office. To his left, a map of the Lands he not only called home but was now the highest authority within it, was framed on the wall. To his right, a massive painting depicting his conquest of the kingdom (now a constitutional republic) was framed on the wall parallel to the map. Pushing himself back into his seat, he spun around his swivel chair to the ornate and imposing stand for his glaive, Anthruvarr. Zardrath clapped his hands twice, and within a moment, the black crystal orb at the center of the glaive blinked awake.
“Greetings, Zardrath.” The glaive spoke with a raspy enthusiastic voice.
“Hey Antsy, how’ve you been?” Zardrath asked his glaive.
“All is calm, my lord.” Anthruvarr replied as he levitated off his stand to float beside his master. “You have done well at caring for my blade, just as I reckon you have done well for your kingdom.” He continued, looking out the window behind them at the plaza beyond the presidential grounds. People of all ages, shapes, sizes, and colors walked about. Some with small children, others going on their first dates, and others getting a sweet treat from street vendors. “You’ve certainly made some changes around here, Zardrath. The citizens look a lot happier than they did when we first attacked.”
“It helps that we didn’t go after civilians that much.” Zardrath replied, “I know that took a lot of restraint, so I appreciate that.” He added, complimenting his glaive genuinely.
“Anything for my lord.” Anthruvarr said, giving a “bow” of sorts.
“Ah, you don’t need to call me that anymore, my friend.”
“Why not?” Anthruvarr turned slightly.
“I’m a leader, but not an absolute leader.” Zardrath sighed. “I realized that it was a lot more fun being an “absolute ruler”,” he said in air quotes. “- when I was a roving warlord battling great beasts and recruiting the most fearsome and honor-bound warriors and rebels I could find from all across the realms. When you actually take over the kingdom, you just have so much bullshit on your lap! Everyone asking me what they are supposed to do for me, who I’m supposed to hang today, whose daughters I want for concubines… Kregharon just conditioned everyone to be so…spineless.”
“I take it that’s why you worked to form a democracy?”
“Yeah, and I got re-elected. Six times.”
“Surely, you could pass a bill for term limi-
“Parliament killed it.” Zardrath said plainly.
“Damn that Kregharon.” Anthruvarr grumbled
“Took the words right out of my mouth.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Swooping over the border walls of the kingdom, Sky-Ripper turned its head to and let loose a deafening roar. The guardsmen atop the walls prepared to fire arrows and ballistae at the beast and its rider, as well as the massive hordes of warriors flooding towards the wall. Zardrath proceeded to dismount, plummeting down from a dizzying height. He grasped Anthruvarr, pointing its blade downward, a wicked smile on his face sprouting giving way to a yell of bloodthirsty eagerness. As his blade plunged into the earth before the wall, a shockwave of crimson lightning erupted outward, blasting a massive section of the wall wide open. Stone and guardsmen were sent flying backwards into the kingdom. Zardrath’s Legion converged on the opening, pouring in with their master. The kingdoms soldiers came charging and screaming towards Zardrath, who began dodging, blocking and parrying their strikes, which he answered with cleaving through the foolish soldiers. Swing after swing, the soldiers fell, each one barely lasting a second engaging him. Then, a massive chariot, drawn by two massive horses with sharpened metal teeth and frothing mouths came barreling towards the warlord.
“How entertaining!” He growled, readying his glaive.
With an upward swing, Anthruvarr split the chariot right down the middle, making the horses fall to their sides and the the two riders flying behind Zardrath and into his legions. The warlord let out a bellow of fury as he raised Anthruvarr above his head.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Zardrath spun around in his swivel chair, a pen held between his upper lip and nose as he blew a raspberry.
“Perhaps you need to make some plans with your old generals!” Anthruvarr suggested.
“I don’t know, Anthruvarr, don’t you think they’d all be so busy these days?” Zardrath said.
“Would it hurt to try reaching out?” Anthruvarr asked, leaning in, as if trying to pat his master on the back. Zardrath Sighed, looking at the Scrying-phone on his desk.
“Alright,” he said, turning on the scrying-phone and tapping at the numbered buttons, before putting it on speaker “Lets give it a shot. How about General Khurthyn?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
General Khurthyn rode atop his silver steed, battle-axe in one hand, rune studded shield in the other. His sun-bronzed skin enveloped a wide muscular body, which was further fortified by a suit of armor with runes spelling out vicious war-chants.
“FORWARD!” He commanded his cavalry “Vanquish the dogs of the fool-king!”
He brought his axe down on a soldier, slaying him instantly before pulling it out and swinging it towards a crowd of more soldiers. Putting his ax back into its holster, He drew his bow and let fly three arrows, each one felling the wyvern riding warrior aristocracy. The reptilian beasts’ bodies fell with their riders into the army of the king, further disorienting their formations. Khurthyn’s horsemen were not far behind, flattening the lines of the kingdom’s guardsmen, allowing more of Zardrath’s forces to advance further into the kingdom. Towards Kregharon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Khurthyn answered from his earpiece while running his treadmill. Wearing a neon green tank top, orange short shorts, and a magenta sweatband.
“Hey there, this is Khurthyn Esquire, how can I help you?”
“Hello Khurthyn.”
“Zardrath, Is that you?!”
“Yep.”
“Heyyy man! hows it been?”
“All good, just president stuff, ya know?”
“Yeah, how’s that going? Man, we haven’t talked in ages!”
“I know, I’m sorry.” Zardrath said apologetically, getting out of his seat and making his way toward the twin horns of Rezgoroth, now inside lovely little display cases. “Things have just been really busy, you know?”
“Oh, I totally understand, big man, I’m busy too. I’ve got Sheila, the two kids, and a third on the way in about 3 months.”
“Oh, gosh,” Zardrath said as he gingerly opened the top of the display case and grabbed one of the horns, “I can’t imagine how busy you and Sheila are nowadays.”
Yeah, it’s a lot, but she and I couldn’t ask for anything better, ya know?”
“Aw, that’s sweet.” Zardrath Said with a mushy smile. He took a peek inside the hole of the horn and saw some cobwebs had formed.
“No really, we’ve wanted this for years.”
“Well, that’s good to hear. You two really hit it off after we defeated Kregharys.” Zardrath finished, tapping horn to get the cobwebs out, only for the cobwebs to get stuck to his gauntlet. He managed to shake it off of himself with great annoyance.
“We sure did!” Khurthyn responded. “Wouldn’t have thought one of my cavaliers would be my better half.” He laughed. “But uh, yeah, man,” the former general continued, “So, what did you want to talk about?”
“Well, I was actually wondering if, maybe sometime next week, maybe we could go venture out and fight against some giant monsters that might threaten the land? Like old times?” Zardrath asked, turning to Anthuvarr, who gave him an encouraging nod.
“Ah, that sounds like a ton of fun, but I’m gonna be super busy, especially for the next few weeks” Khurthyn replied, “My daughter’s got soccer, my boy’s got his piano recital, Ive got a dinner with the in-laws, just a lot on my plate, ya know?”
Zardrath sighed, crestfallen. “Nah, I get it. Maybe something else some other time?”
“Yeah, we should grab a beer some time!” Khurthyn replied, trying to cheer his old friend up.
“Yeah, yeah let’s go with that.” Zardrath said.
“Babe, can you pick the kiddos up? I’m on a meeting right now!” Zardrath heard Shiela’s voice from Khurthyn’s End.
“Just a sec, hun!” Khurthyn responded, blowing a kiss to his wife. “Alright, gotta head out, bye Zardrath!”
“See ya Khurthyn. Good talking to you.”
“You too, big man.” And Khurthyn hung up.
Zardrath Slumped in his chair, which somehow supported his physique and massive armor. He rubbed his temple and pulled on his face with one hand and scratched his scalp with the other.
“Well, that didn’t work.” He groaned to Anthuvarr.
“M-mayhaps Grygozz the sorcerer will be more available?” Antsy said nervously.
“Sure, let’s try that.” Zardrath Shrugged, turning on the scrying-phone to call the former general.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grygozz unleashed an arcane bolt from his gnarled scepter at a crowd of soldiers, blasting them to the ground, then, unleashed a beam of disintegration from his free hand at another crowd of soldiers. A few soldiers closed the distance, forcing Grygozz to unsheathe his short sword. He managed to fell a few before he was seemingly overrun. That was, until he stretched out his gaunt, talon-like hands, and shouted The Eldritch Vowels of Bizeul-Rauth, sending them flying. His dark robes, adorned with a coiling pattern of lamellar armor, was now splattered with ash and blood. His hands, and the rest of his body for that matter, were ghostly pale from most of his time spent studying the profane magics in utter darkness. His build beneath his robes were a strange, unnatural mix of lean muscle and emaciation. Grygozz sheathed his sword, stabbed the butt of his scepter in the ground and waved his hand in circles, causing the ashes and blood to peel off his robes and form into great floating rings before flaring to life as portals.
“Beasts of the beyond-realm” He shrieked from his mouth filled with deepest black obsidian teeth “Answer my call, and lay waste to our enemies!’
With that, beasts looking like they were shaped from material of the endless night sky charged and roared out of the portals, helping to lay waste to the opposing army, all while Grygozz laughed maniacally.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grygozz picked up his phone from his pocket while he was watering the plants in his garden. His build, adorned with khaki pants, a yellow button up, slides and socks, now showed he was more well-fed, and very well-loved.
“Hellooo?”
“Hey Grygozz, It’s Me Zardrath.”
“Zardrath! How’ve you been, buddy?”
“Busy, and in need of a vacation.” Zardrath answered, “But all things considered, pretty good. How about you?”
“Doing great! Just watering my plants here!”
“Ah, for some ingredients for your spells?”
“Nah, just for salad, trying to watch my figure, ya know?” He laughed, patting his belly.
Well, funny you say that,” Zardrath began, now twirling his necklace, adorned with the Wyr-Lion’s fangs, around his finger, “ I was thinking maybe next week we could go out and battle some monsters across the realms, eh?”
“Ah, I’m sorry Zardrath, I’m afraid I’m just too busy these days to be doing stuff like that.”
“Ah, I’m sorry Zardrath, I’m afraid I’m just too busy these days to be doing stuff like that.”
There was a moment of awkward silence from Zardrath as the necklace flew a short distance off his finger before landing on the floor pitifully.
“Ah, alright, no worries…” Zardrath said kindly, mouthing a curse. “Sorry for bothering you.”
“Hey no worries!” Grygozz assured him while shooing a fly from his face. “It’s always nice to hear from the old crew!”
“Heh, yeah….” Zardrath paused, trying to think of something else to say. “Y-you still, uh, summoning beasts from the beyond realm?”
“I don’t actually summon them anymore,” Grygozz responded, “We actually see them at church potlucks sometimes!”
The wife wants the kids to have a faith basis. For what it’s worth, I think they’ve made some good friends at Sunday school!”
“Ah, I see.” Zardrath said, tapping his gauntlets fingers on his desk. “Well, I guess I’ll be getting outta your hair then.
“Alright, well whenever you wanna chat, just gimme a call, buddy.” Grygozz replied sincerely.
“Goodbye!”
“Take care now!” And the two hung up.
Zardrath looked tiredly at Anthuvarr, his crimson pupil looking around anxiously.
“S-Sky-Ripper might be free next week-”
Zardrath raised his hand while closing it into a fist, a sign Anthruvarr took to mean “stop talking, please.” And the animated glaive did just that as he watched Zardrath let out a sigh of defeat.
“What if…” the former warlord started “What if I’m the problem, Antsy? Khurthyn, Grygozz, they can move on, start a new chapter in their lives, and be happy with it. Why can’t I do it right?” Zardrath asked, laying his head and arms on his desk, lip quivering pitifully. Anthruvarr floated in front of his wielder, having had enough of this sorry display.
“Who said you haven’t started a new chapter in your life?!” The glaive asked incredulously, “You lead your armies to victory agains the tyrant Kregharon, established a democracy, and just today you increased funding for schools!”
“Oh yeah,” Zardrath sniffled, “I… suppose I did do those things… b-but I only did them because being an absolute ruler of mostly malnourished peasants was annoying!” He deflected, crossing his arms and looking away.
“But because of what you did, the peoples of this nation are doing better than they ever were under Kregharon!” Anthruvarr replied, repositioning to face Zardrath once again, “If nothing else, doesn’t it feel a little nice to make such a positive change? Sure, it isn’t a glorious battle, but you made an impact either way!”
“Yeah, Y-yeah you’re right!”
“Plus,” Anthruvarr continued, “ Do you know who else you made an impact on today?”
“Who?”
“Your old generals!”
“You didn’t think it was too nosy?”
“No!” Anthruvarr responded. “Your scrying-phone calls were probably a highlight for their day today! Even if they were too busy to go fight monsters with you, wasn’t it nice just to talk with them?
“You know what? Yes, yes, it was!” Zardath grabbed Anthruvarr and gave him a big hug and a pat on the hilt. “Thank you, Anthruvarr,” Zardrath said spinning in his desk chair “you’re a damn good friend”
“You too, old master.” Anthruvaar replied, “Now let’s quit belly aching and give Sky-ripper a call, why don’t we?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sky-Ripper swooped above the battle, his master’s horde now having spread to the palace of the traitor-king Kregharon. He saw his master dueling with the aforementioned tyrant, exchanging blows, almost grazing one another, and blocking every one of each other’s blows.
“Foolish savage,” Kregharon laughed, his glaive against Anthuvarr, “You might as well submit to your king!”
However, Zadrarth sensed an opening, and with a few powerful strikes, the king was disarmed and, on his back, shuffling away from the Warlord.
“Surrender now, and vow to never return to these lands, traitor-king!” Zardrath demanded.
“O-of course, Warlord, you have c-clearly displayed yourself as the-” Kregharon groveled, pawing at his pocket for something in it. “Found it!” He produced a small green orb from his pocket, which released tendrils of dark magic that wrapped around Zardrath’s limbs and throat, holding him aloft. “Over my dead body, fool!” The king cackled. “Absolute power is just too good to share, I’m afraid-”
At that moment, Sky-Ripper descended, bursting through the roof of the palace. Kregharon screamed aloud like a Northern Night-Eagle (an animal he hunted to extinction) before getting snatched up in Sky-Ripper’s jaws. The great beast shook him around in his jaws before tossing him upwards and releasing a blast of flame from his maw. In seconds, Kregharon, the fool-king, the traitor-king, was reduced to ash mid air. Grygozz and Khurthyn made it just in time to see the demise of their nemesis. Together, with their master and his mount, they roared victoriously, proclaiming that this kingdom belonged to Zardrath Ghorrothax.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sky-Ripper was playing the newest installment of his favorite racing game, wearing a headset and playing on a monitor, both of appropriate size for a draconic behemoth like himself. He felt his phone buzzing, so he paused his game with a sigh and took of his headset to answer this disturbance.
“Yes?”
“Sky-Ripper?”
“Zardrath!” he said excitedly, “What’s up?”
“Nothin’ much,” Zardrath answered, twirling the cord of his scrying-phone. “Just wanted to say hi.”
“Oh, well uh, hi… how’s it been?” Sky-Ripper asked.
“Good, just doing president stuff.” Zardrath shrugged “What have you been up to?”
“Well, Mountain-Claw and I are going steady, and our careers have really taken off recently!”
“Good,” Zardrath said. “Good to hear.” There was an awkward silence between the two. Zardrath turned to Antrhuvaar, putting up a nervous thumbs up asking for confirmation. Antsy nodded his blade head, encouraging Zardrath to continue. And so he did.
“You, uh… still hoarding gold and ancient treasures?”
“Well, I was for a while, but then we decided to put a lot of those assets into a Roth IRA! Hopefully, we can keep that for when our clutch hatches and fly off to college later.”
“Oh, nice!” Zardrath said, happy for his old servant and friend. “I’m sure they grow up fast huh?”
“Oh, I don’t even want to think about it.” Sky-Ripper said, “Mountain-claw was telling me about her boss being in hysterics about her two boys graduating high-school last spring. I can’t imagine what a mess we’ll be when ours get that old.”
“I know you two will be great parents and make lots of memories with your kiddos.”
“Were you making fun of the long lifespans of my people?” Sky-ripper asked, shifting his tone from enthusiastic to accusatory in what felt like an instant.
“N-no,” Zardrath answered. A thought passed through the back of his mind. Perhaps his former minion might not have liked being his mount, and that him stepping down from king to president was Sky-ripper’s chance to get some revenge. “What in the world are-”
“Nah, I’m just messing with you, dude, we live long as hell!” Sky ripper laughed. Zardrath soon joined in the laughter, pounding his gauntlet on his desk. He hadn’t laughed like that in a while. He needed that.
“Hoo, you got me good!” Zardrath sighed, wiping a tear of laughter from his eyes. “Man, it’s been good to hear from you.”
“Hey, it’s great talking to you too!”
“Well,” Zardrath continued after collecting himself, getting ready to end his conversation with his old friend “I’m sure you’re busy, so I’ll stop bothering you.” He was prepared to leave it there, simply happy to have heard his former minion, and lifelong friend’s voice again.
“Eh, not really.”
“You have a good—Wait, what?”
“Yeah, I’m just gaming right now, I’m off next week and in-laws are gonna be over to help me look after the nest while Mountain-claw is having her girl’s week. Kinda need something to get me out of the house, you know?”
A massive smile grew over the Zardrath’s face as he turned to Anthruvarr.
“You know, I have something I’d like to run past you.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Through the amber-colored afternoon sky, Zardrath Ghorrothax rode atop Sky-Ripper, flying above the great blue coast. It was a lovely day to visit the beach, as it was conveniently being terrorized by a sea monster drunk off dark magic. A perfect excuse to cut loose! Pale, veiny hide dotted with unnatural toothy spines and green glowing eyes covered the monster’s body. Its mighty lashing tentacles writhing and grasping with fury as its maw, filled with six rows of great and terrible teeth gnashed at the two old friends. Zardrath and Sky-Ripper flew around the beast, with the great dragon spewing streams of flame at the monster between shared hearty laughter.
“You were right,” Sky-Ripper exclaimed happily mid divebomb, “We have GOT to do this more often!”
“I know, right?” Zardrath Responded, hacking off a tentacle of the terrible monster, resulting the unholy beast bellowing in pain. “How are you feeling, Antsy?” He shouted to his glaive with glee.
Zardrath and Anrthruvarr Looked at each other. Zardrath Shrugged for the both of them.
“Civil service it is!” Zardrath announced, which was met by triumphant laughter from his two friends. “On that note,” he continued “What do you say we finish our civil services for the day!”
“Aye!” Said Anthruvarr.
“Sounds good, Mr. President!”
“President.” Zardrath thought to himself, “I suppose I can handle that title a little bit longer.”
As Sky-Ripper flew up, readying himself to pounce on the sea monster, so too did Zardrath readied himself to leap off his throne-saddle and deliver a plunging blow to the monster as well, His glaive crackling with sorcerous crimson lightning. Together, Zardrath, Antrhuvarr, and Sky Ripper descended upon the sea monster, roaring with enthusiasm.
“By the way, who’s paying for dinner after this?!” Zardrath added politely.
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